"Soon I'll grow up and I wont even flinch at your name" Alanis M. 'Flinch'
2010-03-03, 4:34 p.m.

This song has just been resonating so well with me. I would prefer that this was something normal, but FUCK. I'm in Chicago!!! I'm at a SCHOOL PSYCH CONFERENCE LEARNING ABOUT ADVOCACY! I need to move on. I'm only going to be in this place only at this time, ONCE in my life. I'm only going to have today for as long as today lasts. To live it begrudgingly, half heartedly, my mind curled in a corner rocking back and forth like it's listening to Bright eyes on repeat . . . I can't. Something I know is transient is not worth missing out on months of my life.

The thing I'm really worried about however is that this isn't about him. That I'm making this about him when in fact it has nothing to do with him, but rather a larger, underlying fear in my life. That's what really worries me. It would be so much easier if I could just tap all of this to one, identifiable problem. Sometimes I catch fleeting instances of what it's really about and I get ridiculously sad. I need to try to find it and pluck it like a stray gray hair. I'm 23 years old. I'm at once too old to be so affected by this, and too young to be buried in it. I need to figure out the truth about what's eating at me and move forward.

Alanis Morissette Flinch lyrics

Flinch
What's it been over a decade?
It still smarts like it was four minutes ago
We only influenced each other totally
We only bruised each other even more so
What are you my blood? You touch me like you are my blood
What are you my dad? You affect me like you are my dad
How long can a girl be shackled to you
How long before my dignity is reclaimed
How long can a girl stay haunted by you
Soon I'll grow up and I won't even flinch at your name
Soon I'll grow up and I won't even flinch at your name
Where've you been? I heard you moved to my city
My brother saw you somewhere downtown
I'd be paralyzed if I ran into you
My tongue would seize up if we were to meet again
What are you my god? You touch me like you are my god
What are you my twin? You affect me like you are my twin
How long can a girl be tortured by you?
How long before my dignity is reclaimed
And how long can a girl be haunted by you
Soon I'll grow up and I won't even flinch at your name
Soon I'll grow up and I won't even flinch at your name
So here I am one room away from where I know you're standing
A well-intentioned man told me you just walked in
This man knows not of how this information has affected me
But he knows the colour of the car I just drove away in
What are you my kin? You touch me like you are my kin
What are you my HEIR? You affect me like you are my HEIR.