"Take a polaroid and let you go, say they'll let you know" Ladytron
2008-05-31, 11:49 p.m.

I hate summer. I hate not being in school. When I'm in school I can bury myself in my work. I can make good grades and feel good about who I am and the things I do and not THINK about other things like people and myself and overly analyzing and empathizing with political situations(I've been watching Al Jazera increasingly, and arabic news channel, and they are more imagery oriented. Which means when they talk of bombings in Iraq they show it, when they talk about starvation in Myanmar, they show it).

I turn 22 soon, and I'm sleeping in the same bed I've slept in since I was 7. I'm using the same comforter that I've used since I was 14. By any means I'm useless, spacey, unworldly, naive. Sometimes I don't mind. Most of the time I don't mind. When I'm at school and working I'm not watching stupid TV, and I'm ignoring everything that's not a textbook.
But now I have nothing but time on my hands to think and brood over every and anything. I'm watching all these fucking depressing movies (did you know they're making a sequel to Donny Darko?? What the fuck??), I'm listening to all these fucking depressing songs, living in this fucking depressing house with depressing people and every day is the exact same thing over and over and over again, like watching the rinse cycle on a washing machine spin endlessly.
And babysitting. God I love kids, but I like problem solving, and intellectually interacting with them. The shirt I'm currently wearing is stained with baby drool. There's nothing intellectual about baby drool. I hate baby drool, and I really don't like babies.

Look at this fucking diary entry, it's fucking riddled with I's and cuss words!!! (Pennebaker was one of many researchers that confirmed excessive usage of I's in writing indicates a higher likelihood of depression, PTSD, and other not so nice mentally insane things to have).

I'm reading a great book right now, named "Of Human Bondage."

It was first written in 1915, so no, it's not porn.

It's a great review of the complexities of self examination and how we perceive how others perceive us. At least the parts I've read. I'm only a fourth of the way through the book.

I'm going to go take a walk. It's almost midnight, the best time for walk. Plus I should enjoy my late night strolls while I have the opportunity to indulge in them. Once I move to murder city I'll no longer be allowed to traverse the streets in the late hours without a deadly weapon or an equally deadly living companion.

much love.