Is that really flying underwear?? Jezebel posted this anime scene and I had a very genuine wtf moment.
I had this realization today- If I dropped off the face of the planet, it would probably take a full day for anyone to notice. I've been so holed up, and tucked away these past few weeks, it would probably even take my roommate awhile to realize that I was not studying but abducted by aliens.
I want so badly to complain about studying, and how tough these last few days have been but I feel like I can't. I want to scream about it, but I feel like that would be hypocritical. I love what I'm doing, I chose to do this, I wouldn't give it up. Just sometimes it sucks. Usually around finals and midterms. I'm socially reinforced for it, but sometimes you just want to grab your guitar and play some tunes- but you can't because Skinner's rats are calling.
Today I was studying with a few friends, and noticed there's this re-occurring theme in their conversations; relationships. They're both single, and not happy about it. No one's happy single. Content, safe, yes. Maybe even happy. But it's nice to have someone around that as they put it "has got your back." But as they were talking about it, I kept thinking to myself how different my perception of what I want is. I don't feel like I need a "relationship" in the traditional sense as far as labels. I can deal. I don't want someone who will dote on me, and tell me I'm the most whatever in the world. It's really not that great. "See this pedestal's high and I'm afraid of heights" (Alanis- Not the Doctor) It makes me nervous. I want a best friend with benefits really, and I dont care what it ends up being called. You know, someone who knows me well enough to know what little things make me happy (I LOVE it when my roommate does little random pieces of laundry for me, she'll just pick something up that I have lying around and stick it in with a load she's doing, and it just makes me so happy. I want to know them well enough to be able to do little random things back that mean more than some big money conventional present that just makes them say thanks, and then wonder if they could exchange it. Someone that I can put on speed dial and call whenever I feel like it- mid day, mid night, mid morning. Someone I can tell random shit to, and that tells me random shit. Someone who loves to laugh as much as I do, and thinks everything's some measure of funny. A friend.
And then of course someone who can do the benefits part as well. Very important.
Alanis is SO young in this video! What a treasure. Look at her sitting there all cross legged and hippie.
Alanis Morrissette "Not the Doctor"
I don't want to be the filler if the void is solely yours
I don't want to be your glass of single malt whiskey
Hidden in the bottom drawer
I don't want to be the bandage if the wound is not mine
Lend me some fresh air
I don't want to be adored for what I merely represent to you
I don't want to be to be your babysitter
You're a very big boy now
I don't want to be you mother
I didn't carry you in my womb for nine months
Show me the back door
(chorus)
Visiting hours are 9 to 5 and if I show up at half past six
Well I already know that you'd find some way to sneak me in and oh
Mind the empty bottle with the holes along the bottom
You see it's too much to ask for and I'm not the doctor
I don't want to be the sweeper of the eggshells that you walk upon
I don't want to be your other half I believe that 1 and 1 make 2
I don't want to be your food or the light from the fridge
on your face at midnight
Hey what are you hungry for
I don't want to be the glue that holds your pieces together
I don't want to be your idol
See this pedestal is high and I'm afraid of heights
I don't want to be lived through
A vicarious occasion
Please open the window
(repeat chorus)
I don't want to live on someday when my motto is last week
I don't want to be responsible for your fractured heart
and its wounded beat
I don't want to be a substitute for the smoke you've been inhaling
What do you thank me
What do you thank me for
