"How were my eyes so blinded, each feather it feel from skin. And I will hang my head, I will hang my head low"
2007-11-29, 2:26 p.m.

Maybe it's the song im listening to, maybe it's my friends across the way spouting out intellectual conundrums of biology, maybe it's because I only have one more application to finish for Saturday, maybe it's because my presentation went well this morning, but I think it's all gonna be ok. All of it.

Last week I had a bit of a disaster life wise. Ended up living out of my car for a bit, chilling at a friends house for a couple nights (god, there is nothing like amazing people who love you to make everything alright). I was getting wanderlust and I couldn't listen to my mom one more second without killing something or someone, so I just packed and went.

I think if felt like no one was giving me a break. I'm working my ass off but everyone wants me to work my ass off for them and no one else. I want to work my ass of for me. I want to get my PhD. I want to DO SOMETHING with life. So there was a major risk for that not happening, but it was mostly rectified. Half by talking it out with people, and mostly by me making the resolute decision that no matter how many babies my parents are going to have in the next year and a half (they're freaking out because my mom's getting older, and they still have three more kids to go before they have 10. And they've made the decision that since I'm the oldest I should stay home for the next year to help my mom since she'll probably be pregnant again 4 months after she has the twins).

I know this all sounds crazy and unrealistic on my parents part, but please keep in mind that whole two/three kid thing is an american thing. In the middle east, south east asia, china africa, and a few countries in south america you're worth is judged by the number of kids you have. Speaking of other countries I'm listening to Ravi Shankar right now. Amazing!

in any case, I've made it clear to the people that are trying to convince me to stay home (my boss and my parents) that if i get accepted into a grad school I'm going to go, and if I don't, I've already met with a peace core adviser, and I'm leaving the country.
(I'm secretly hoping I dont get accepted : )

it's so funny. My boss called me yesterday to, for the hundereth time, tempt me to stay in Austin, and to continue to work for her if I do. She's offering me money, a share in the business. She offered to let me take over the center we have now, and she would open another in San Marcus.
I just don't want to.

ITS BEEN FIVE FUCKING YEARS and I've been doing the SAME thing. I can't take it anymore. I mean, in general it's cool. I like what i'm doing. it could be worse. But I opened a door with this whole grad school in another state thing, and it's like the whole situation for me where I rather be blind my whole life than be able to see and then lose my sight you know?

Dude, this blog is losing ground. I need to update more.