"No love, there is no love. Die for anyone. What have I become?" Breaking Benjamin
2009-11-08, 10:42 p.m.

My level of busy these past few weeks has been unbelievable. I apologize for my pretty much disappearing off the face of this planet. Anyhow, I wrote out this bit in an email to a few girlfriends and thought I'd share it here.

"A long but incredibly powerful article.
http://www.racialicious.com/2008/12/21/original-essay-the-not-rape-epidemic/

I once worked with a girl who was 16 when she entered into a sexual relationship with a 40 year old married man, who just happened to be her neighbor. The mental damage was unfathomable for her- she said she really loved him, she just wanted him to love her back, hence the agreeing to sex. She kept blaming herself over and over, and it became this daily mantra that manifested in so many different self harm behaviors- little ones that would stack up and just disrupt everything she tried to do. This self blame was facilitated by culture, society, those around her that queened her a 'slut.' What about the 40 year old man who raped her? If she's a slut, what the hell does that make him?

It's so easy, mentally safe, to adhere to that asshole train of thought that a girl shouldn't walk around drunk at a party, get into cars with male strangers, because if she does she's just "asking for it. I agree, there are precautions we all should be aware of as women in this culture- don't go smoke a blunt with a pack of men in a drug house on a deserted street. But men shouldn't go around raping anyone . Rape is never "ok" or "deserved." Ever. Especially older men who prey on young girls . And furthermore, our society shouldn't be turning a blind eye to this behavior by demonizing women and girls, and dismissing them as promiscuous when
a) that's what society tells them is correct, and what they should be doing if they want positive attention. On the one hand we've got Miley Cyrus pole dancing her concerts, and on the other we're telling girls it's their fault because their shorts are too short. Bit schizophrenic these expectations. Just today I saw a commercial for Desperate Housewives of New Jersey- how young is too young to get plastic surgery? the announcer asks as the camera pans in on a plastic surgeon helping a girl envision her new nose.
and

b) what happened to these young girls and women was very, very real, and very, very wrong. It is in NO way justifiable. The perpetrator is responsible for commiting the crime fair and square. If some guy was robbed while walking home drunk from Bourbon street, doesn't make the act of the robbery suddenly ok."

I realized after I sent that article that I didn't really address rape by women, or rape of men towards other men or young boys. It happens so much more often than it should- some of the horror stories from these sports camps boys go to are just ridiculous. However, I was trying to keep in line with the posted article, and the general tone of "not rape."

I ALSO take slight issue with the part of the article that calls on men to "protect" women. It's not the idea of "protection," it's holding each other accountable for responsible behavior. Don't let your friends rape other people period, whether its because you know the girl or not. Step up, and set an example among your peers that rape is not cool, it's not accepted. And for girls, don't perpetuate dangerous behavior, for teachers and society, stop condoning it (see comment about Miley Cyrus pole dancing).

Anyways, that's my rant for today.