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Twihards . . . Twilight Fans Stab, Choke, And Beat Haters Into Submission Copy this whole post to another site This is what happens when you create a book/movie about teens sexually suppressing themselves whilst whimpering and dry-humping their brains out. All that pent-up emotion has turned fans into violent, horny Twihards. A message board called Twilight Sucks has been cataloging recent Twihard attacks against Antis (as they are called in the Twiverse). So what exactly is a Twihard? According to the urban dictionary: The difference between being a Twilighter and being a Twihard, is that Twihards have embraced a new Twiligion... er.... I mean, religion based on Twilight. They live and breathe Twilight. Most Twihards are for Edward and Bella. Therefore, those Twihards are all for true love & love at first sight. Point out one thing to a Twihard, and they can relate it to Twilight instantly. Savage and wild, they need every single thing to be perfect in the upcoming Twilight movie. In fact, there's even a list of signs that you're a Twihard, which reads like a check-list for people I'm never going to have patience with. I especially enjoy reason 10, "Whenever you hear "Girlfriend" by Avril Lavigne, you can't help but replacing the words with Edward is a Virgin," yeeeach. But anyway, some "Twihards" have been lashing out at the "Antis" in violent ways and the folks over at Twilight Sucks have opened up their message boards for people to write about these terrifying Twilight attacks. The attacks range from mere slapping and teasing to a tween trying cut open another tween's throat. Antis Getting Shot At With A Flare Gun: Not with a gun but with a signaling rocket, today or yesterday actually (time zones) me and 3 friends (1 female 2 males) were talking about how much Twilight sucks ass and were bashing it. We were down by the fishing docks on the north strip of the island watching the fishermen unload their catch when apparently a twi-hard overheard us behind some shipping basins (for stowing fish). She apparently just got off her fathers boat, and had a whole bunch of equipment. Including a red Orion single shot/use hand-held rocket flare (you know those tubes that you are suppose to hit the bottom and the rocket flies out? anyways she overheard us talking and pulled out this flare, from her basket of stuff. The last thing I herd was the cap flying off the front. With a loud psshhh sound my friend yelped and dropped to the ground. The flre bounced off him and flew to the ground. We kicked the flare away, just then the parachute popped out and a bright red light nerly blinded all of us. Four fishermen ran over to help, one saw everything and restrained the twi-hard (who was kicking and screaming). My friends left arm was sizzling where the rocket moter had burned him (thankfully not the para-flare or it would have been much worse). One of the fishermen shoved all of us in his pickup truck and drove us to the local hospital where my friend is still unable to completely use his left arm. The girl is being held on $50,000 bail for attempted murder with a deadly weapon. We plan to go to court in a week with all of us as witnesses. Twihards Jump A Student: Our school journalism team makes a monthly magazine with various topics. The newest issue came out today and featured two opposing views of Breaking Dawn. Curious, I read them over. The Breaking Dawn supporter rambled on about how the series' ending left her breathless...The writer [of the anti Breaking Dawn side] called Breaking Dawn a literary piece of trash. Then the fantards came, they were fairly pissed after reading the anti article. On my way out of last period, there was a big crowd around the lunch room. I'm sure you can guess what happened....Three twitards were beating the hell out of the anti article writer. While calling her a bitch, one actually screamed "HOW DARE YOU INSULT STEPHENIE'S WRITING!"... Anyway, Justice has been served, to some extent. After I left school on Friday, the three girls were taken to a juvenile facility, and are currently serving suspension, though I'm not sure how long it is. The girl who wrote the article said she was doing fine, she had to get a few stitches above her eyebrow and her lip was split... She Beat Me With A Bat: Alright, so a couple days ago, I was just sitting outside of the school parking lot...But then, a girl came walking up past me and I saw the first Twilight book clutched deeply to her chest... Being me, I gave a slightly disgusted look at the novel and she immediately noticed this, and whipped around and smiled at me.She said, "So, you're looking at this, right? Isn't Twilight the best? Of course you have read it, right? I mean, who hasn't!"... I replied back, "I read half of the first book, but didn't like it so I stopped. Didn't really faze me or anything." Then, all of a sudden, she just started bitching at me about how my opinion doesn't matter, that I'm stupid, and how I was just jealous of Bella because Edward would never want me because I'm weird. Then she said one last thing that made me uneasy. "I'll get you, bitch. Just you wait." [Fast Forward to the girl getting beaten with a bat at a WalMart by the same girl and her friends] There was the girl, standing close behind me with a baseball bat in hand... one of her friend's grabbed me by the hand (she's heavy-set) and tried throwing me down towards the floor. Of course I was struggling, so instead of being thrown to the floor, I was pushed against the shelves, still having a firm grip on me...Then it all finally stopped as the manager and a co-worker pushed them off of me, with Megan and Tamara rushing besides me. I now have bruises all over my stomach and a couple on my arm. My hand is so bruised and purple I have to wear a cast because it's so sensitive, now. Attempted Throat Slitting: OK, I don't hate Twilight. But I'm not in love with it either. Heres what happened. At lunch today every single girl at the table is talking about Twilight. I try to tell them about the crazed fan girl attacks that have been going on lately (which is making me dislike the series more and more). One of the girls actually tried to talk some sense into ME! She tried to explain that the Fan girls were just angry. And I said, "If people who don't like Twilight, get on obsessed fan girls nerves that much Twilight should be destroyed!" Some of the girls at my table understood. Some got really pissed. One of the girls marched off steaming. I thought I had made my point. But of course in Algebra I went to go sharpen my pencil, and that girl who marched off was in my class. she came up behind me and tried to slit my throat with a shank! She screamed "How dare you say Twilight should be destroyed!" Now, I had to do something. So I took my pencil out of the sharpener and stabbed her in the side (thank god i had already sharpened my pencil or she wouldn't have felt the stab). She lost concentration for a second or two, so she could look at the pencil sticking out of her. Without such a strong grasp, i was able to break free. By now students were restraining her as she kicked and screamed. She was expelled, but I got after school detention for defending myself (our principal is a ass)! If you were about to die, Would you fight back? So I'm talking over the detention with my idiot principal, back to the matter at hand, Has the world gone mad? Its a book! Nobody should obsess like that. I mean god! She tried to kill me! Because I said that the fan girls are really hurting people? That just proves my point. There's a whole list of Twihard attacks that deal with choking, chair throwing and one particularly scary incident where someone throwing acid on another person during chem class - but that's almost too out there to believe. In fact, some of these stories sound a little fanficish but I'm willing to bet 60% of them are real. Plus these Twihards are pretty demented - so it wouldn't really surprise me if Summit started peddling Twilight shivs for the true fans. [Twilight Sucks via Geekologie] |
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