"You might be a big fish in a little pond, doesn't mean you won, cause along may come, a bigger one" Coldplay 'lost'
2008-11-28, 9:35 p.m.

I'm almost regretting grad school. Almost. I think I would have been better off doing peace core, or teach for america for two years, and seeing where I wanted to be. I thought I was such hot shit, I knew what I wanted, I was going to go get it, and it was going to be so god damn easy.
It isn't. Every day I wish I was back in Austin doing something with my hands, working with people. Instead I'm in my office all day, studying, filling my schedule with meaningless blocks of more work to be evaluated by more people.

The end result I definitely want. But isn't also about the journey? And "Just because I'm losing Doesn't mean I'm lost Doesn't mean I'll stop Doesn't mean I will cross Just because I'm hurting Doesn't mean I'm hurt Doesn't mean I didn't get what I deserve No better and no worse I just got lost Every river that I've tried to cross And every door I ever tried was locked Ooh-Oh, And I'm just waiting till the shine wears off..." I'm just holding my breath, waiting for the second when I'll pop like an overinflated balloon. I just hope at that point my faith in myself and what I can do in this world doesn't totally implode along with my motivation to finish grad school. I'm just waiting till the shine wears off . . .