"Tell me what it takes, tell me what it takes, cold cold heart of mine"
2008-02-12, 12:29 p.m.

My mom said the most ridiculous thing to me yesterday evening. I know she didn't mean it, but it just struck me as odd. I was telling her I'm probably going to be moving to Santa Barbara for school, and we'd been talking about it all day. Thin I got word of a scholarship I'm being awarded by Indiana, and she just said "It really doesn't matter where you go because in the end your just going to be getting married and having kids"

I looked at her square in the face and said if that's what you think i'm going to be doing, you don't know me at all.

She responded by saying "what, you don't want to get married"

I told her what happens happens, if I get married great, but it doesn't mean I have to give up my career.

That was the end of that conversation, but I have a feeling i'm going to be hearing about it for awhile now.

My leaving is going to kill my mom. This morning she told me she had a dream that I'd committed suicide, and I had half a mind to tell her her dream's 4 years too late. But I just laughed it off.

She's been stable for awhile now. She's taking meds regularly and everything, and since Rhania left to college, and she's started calling and visiting regularly, it's been like heaven around here, but that doesn't mean I'm going to give up everything I've worked so fucking hard for to stay in Austin.

UT's a good school, but I found out yesterday I'm on their "hold" list.

Fuck that. I have the number one school psychology program in the nation, housed in the number 27 school IN THE WORLD trying to get me LOTS of money (full tuition remission, insurance, plus a 15, 000 a yr stipend) and UT wants to put me on hold?? Screw that. UCSB is a kick ass school, located on a beach, and I bet you money if I was still going to med school my parents would be pushing me out the door by this point.

It's just hard to try to explain to them that yes, this is a serious endevour, that yes, this is a serious degree, yes, it was HARD to get in, and I got in because I'm a good student and not an absent minded fuck up like they tend to attribute to me, etc.

Between the comment my mom made yesterday and their the guy they tried to get me to go out with I've had it up to my ears.

Let me make it clear, my parents are AMAZING and they really do want the best for me, and they would never ever make me do anything i don't want to, and they've demonstrated that a million times and more, but it's kind of insulting when your parents keep insinuating it's time to settle down.

I have a whole life ahead of me and I intend to live it to the absolute fullest all the way through to the end, and whatever comes along I'll take it or leave it. Key word, comes along. I'm not going looking for anything.

Except for episodes of One Tree Hill on the internet. I'm so ridiculously addicted. It's incredibly wrong on so so so many levels. SO many.

much love my beautiful friends. If you've read this far you're a saint.
hugs.