"Shut off the camera, there's nothing to see here" Mandy
2005-07-24, 1:46 p.m.

some blogs, excerpt from an article, and then my own personal response to life! Read on dears, I'm in a foul mood, which makes for interesting onesided conversation. http://peacepalestine.blogspot.com/ http://www.caltzedek.blogspot.com/ "At the very least these trends indicate that Israeli youth are beginning to question the blatant lies of their government and beginning to internalize the value of civil disobedience and thinking for themselves. Most importantly, the social consensus of the Israeli army as a "holy value" is being shattered. The day is not far off when the Israeli army will face a real crisis of recruitment, not unlike what is happening in the U.S. With a bit of proper education, perhaps these youth can be led to understand the protest and despair of other marginalized groups in Israel - the Palestinians in the territories and in Israel proper, the ultra-Orthodox, the mizrachi poor"

http://www.israelblog.org/1122224463/index_html

heres an article the above excerpt sights. Hide and seek was a horrible movie. Dakota Fanning was great, of course, but just a bad bad ending. and how ironic this life is. So very very ironic.
Things turn, it makes me belive in karma. Do good and be good. If only others knew when they weren't so nice. Does anyone know the full story? It's amazing how this world comes together. How everything pans out, and some are oblivious to what they are doing, and how the preachers have no idea what they preach.
and how beautiful is what we are and not what we pretend to be. even when we dont see it.

and i certainly dont mean any harm. I just want the freedom of solitude. It's who i am. Freedom to live on a whim, move on a moment, and speak when i feel like it.
I dont want to be beholden to anyone, or anything that i dont choose to be beholden to. and i wont pretend to be either. Is it right to feel guilty because of that though, or is it just egotistical to feel guilty, or selfish to not pretend to make people feel better.

But i do feel responsible. Is it really better that i pretend to be something i am not? Ive been reading your blog, listening to your messages, am i responsible? Is it all true, or fake. I DONT want to be a bitch, but what am i supposed to do? I wont lie to you, to myself or anyone else. What do you want me to say to you. I can't think of any nicer way. I cringe to think you might call, because i feel guilty. What do i say? I dont want to worry. Words are not for anyone to stumble over, yet i know i will. I can't even fathom where to begin to make things right, and be true to myself at the same time. Now you know why i wont call you back, why i wont email you back, why i dont want to talk to you. I want you to be ok, i can't believe such damage can be wreaked, by something so mundane, im sorry. I just wish you could understand where im coming from. And i wont be put on a pedestal. Didn't alanis say it perfectly.

"this pedestal's high and im afraid of heights"

But im quiet lest i say something to spur on further unpleasentness. I find silence a consolation for everyone.

Im more optomistic to the upcoming days. I met a professor of the graduate program, and made a good impression, or so he says. And that bookstore i've always wanted is actually plausable. My family is investing in a shopping strip, and looking for people to lease space. I threw the idea at them, told them i could manage it, and they're "deliberating"

My dad even says he wouldn't mind. We're all finding out how tedious another 13 years of school can be.

Hey, i could be the next Barnes and Noble, though i have no more ambition then to open a rare book store in Spain.

School comes first though, always. What beauty knowledge holds. Adventures beyond our wildest dreams. I can look at floor rugs and see ancient rome. Its great.

in anycase. I've been having a decent weekend. I'm currently reading Madam Bovary. It's really good. Everyone should read. (if you didn't like anna karinina though, you wont like this. Its shorter though)

Well much love.
And to those whom it concerns. Will you be working a booth aug 30th for the back to school longhorn fair? Let me know. I'm pretty sure i will be.

lata', revel in the blue skies. They might be lasting longer then the rain.
My shoes are still wet.