"The universe is hostile, so impersonal, devour to survive, so it is, so it's always been" Tool
2008-04-10, 9:01 p.m.

I don't get why everyone has such problems with Tool's "10,000 days" I think it's great. I mean, ok, Aenima was better, but 10,000 days is great. The music is astounding. It always is with Tool. They have such a way with meters.

So three of my chickens were brutally murdered today. When I initially saw the chickens I almost barfed, but then I stared in fascination at the mangled mess of feathers blood and meat. I was mesmerized, not as disgusted as I thought. The idea that they were killed is what hurt me the most. That initial pang of all the hard work I put into raising these damn things. The changing of the gross cage when they were tiny little things, the time I spent out there conditioning them to know when I said "hello ladies" food was coming next, watering them, etc. And in a tiny instant they could be gone, just like that. Their heads bashed in, their feathers scattered all over the coop. Makes you so aware of your own mortality. But if there's one thing I'm not afraid of it's death. I'm actually morbidly curious about it. What's so bad about a) afterlife (I don't believe in a system of punishments and rewards. Hell is a human-created control mechanism) or b) just not being aware.

Either one is fine by me.

Yesterday David, Fedora and I got together to play music. It was an amazing experience. David played the guitar, fedora the piano, and I sang. I literally had to make up lyrics as we went along. Then we each showed off our writing separately. Fobs does compositions sans lyrics, david wrote his very first song (yay him!) and I played some shit or another. I had been at it for an hour and a half before they came so I was played out really.

But it was beyond amazing. I look forward to doing it again. It's always nice playing with other people.

I'm starting to get this itch to record music and put it up on myspace. It just seems like a good way to preserve it.

In any case, that would be a project for the summer.

I've been so on edge today though. So many bad things have happened. I dreamt rhania fainted yesterday night and wouldn't wake up. When I got out of bed, I found out Yara would be in the hospital longer than originally planned which freaked me out, then went outside to see my chickens torn to bits by some hungry predator, and then when I got to school I went to get something to drink from Einsteins and ended up holding the door open for an EMS team wheeling a stretcher with a crying/screaming girl in it pleading with the divine. I think a coffee machine exploded in her face (law suit!) but I didn't ask. I really didn't want to know.

So bad omens all day long, am imminent feeling of dread, but my Botany teacher handed out a drink made of Kava in class which is the herbal equivalent of Valium, so that worked out well.

that's about it really!
Love to all, and I'll update again soon! I promise to try to stay off the two day long hiatus'

P.S. DAM, the palestinian rap group is coming to austin! And the other night I heard a pro-israeli peace activist speak. It was the oddest conflict of ideas I'd ever heard. She wants to protect the state of israel by backing peace in the direction of the already screwed up two-state solution. I just don't get it. She acknowledges that the right of return is impossible with a two state solution but is necessary, and acknowledges that the settlements in the west bank are huge and unmovable. To each his own craziness I guess. She's at least better than most Israelites.