"Come join in the last hurrah"
2007-11-21, 9:02 p.m.

Happy endings. Ends that are happy. Ending happily. Forever? For a day? For a year? for a moment. I'm not beyond believing in happy endings, but what do we define as an end? It's not when we die. That's just a beginning. It's not when we're born, because that's just a continuation of the people who conceived us. I think an ending is that opportunity that you didn't take, that you did take. And why should we have one ending? Cinderella could get divorced and marry the frog prince. She'd have two happy endings, to the same sappy story.

What kinds of things have endings? We associate it with romantic relationships, but there are other things that attract the human spirit, that inspire our minds. College has had hundreds of my stories. The late nights hunkered in the corner of the library with books spread every which way. The luncheons with my English friend, and the tear fests with my best friend. The doubts, the worries, the happy moments, the decisions that could affect the rest of my life. The parties, the concerts, the meeting of minds, the meeting of hands, of cheeks, or legs and arms, silk on silk. They are all little stories in themselves, some that last longer than others. Stories as long as a moment, or as short as 4 years. A blink of an eye when you consider how long we live.

And really, they've all ended happily, and I don't have an "other half" to speak of. No forever after. It seems like every time I go to my honors class, we revert back to the 1950's and another girl's getting married. I don't understand it. There is SO much out there. A date's nice, but a friend is nicer. A kiss is nice, but a long comfortable laugh is nicer. Married? At 21? What if he works in Kentucky, and you've been accepted to school in NY? And when you're there, you meet the frog prince and suddenly prince charming isn't so charming anymore? And then you're 35 and still thinking of Mr. Frog while you're fostering charming's kids, and you have one moment to think of, one second to carry you through your 60's, when all you can think of is what if you took that job that wasn't where he worked. What if you had that chance back. What if you could have had 100's of happy endings, instead of just one that might not be that happy?

Of course, I'm being cynical. Not all marriages are like my parents. Wives don't always die, or turn out to be hormonal freaks. Families aren't always dysfunctional, I'm sure. But how do you know that yours won't be at 21. TWENTY ONE.

That's why I turned it down, always turn it away. One day it'll be right. I'll know. I have no doubt that I'll know. And if that doesn't happen, then it doesn't happen. I'll have lots of happy endings to tide me through the rough spots, and I'll keep making more.

So I'll join in my last hurrah when I walk down that platform, diploma in hand, on my way to some prestigious graduate program, with open sores, but lots and lots of happy endings.

And Annapolis is a bunch of BULL. I can't believe this. They want to talk about everything EXCEPT the issues that are hard to talk about. Then what the fuck are you meeting for? I swear to god, it's so frustrating to know that people are doing the WRONG THING, and it's CLEAR as day, and they just can't see it. This is why there's fire in my veins, this is why. Because I can see, the people around me can SEE, but those who have the most power to make a difference are as blind as fucking bats.

Also, the silversun pickups will be in the SAME concert as the lemurs, and they'll be in town Dec. 13th. Who wants to go with!!!

Happy thanksgiving. I'm gonna do a special thankfulness blog tomorrow.